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Anonymous Story (XVII)

"I Wasn’t Able to Do Anything”

I hope and pray that the system changes because I know several people, my self included, that have suffered from trauma and abuse from inside the hospital. Something that is supposed to help you shouldn’t be this broken.


When I was at a hospital I was labeled as an aggressive patient after my stay was extended due to homicidal ideation and my eating disorder became very apparent. I was originally just there for sh [self-harm] and suicidal ideation.


They gave me heavy sleep medication, like sedatives every night. Specifically trazodone. So some context for this instance: When I first was admitted they placed me in the boy’s wing of the hospital because their system was having some sort of issues. This resulted in another patient sexually assaulting me every night and due to my sedation I wasn’t able to do anything. We are supposed to be checked in on every 10-15 minutes and this patient would be in my room for up to an hour every night until my room was switched to the girl’s wing.


I also had an issue with a staff member who would do things like force me to put my journal away from my room which it is specifically listed I need my journal. I have stated and spoke with all of the nurses that I cannot be around this staff member due to his resemblance to my abuser. They ignored this even when they told my mom they would keep him at a distance from me. 


When I was having a panic attack because of him they sedated me against my will and did not inform my parents. I was not showing any aggression or lashing out. I was legitimately curled up in a ball on the floor. I am aware that sometimes they give certain medications to calm you down but they don’t typically “booty juice” people that are simply having a panic attack, as far as I’m aware.


At several points over the course of my first 11 day stay, me and several patients were verbally and physically threatened by both patients and staff. We had about 8 code greens [restraint/security codes] in one day and 2-5 on average everyday. I have seen medical neglect when a patient was struck by another unprovoked patient. Her entire left half of her lower jaw was bruised. I was on 10 foot [had to keep a distance of 10 feet away] with about 8 or so people at one point in time due to my mentioned homicidal ideation and 4-5 of these patients actively making fun of my stress tic disorder amongst other things.


The nurses nor techs did anything even after 3 other patients reported them as well. I was also ridiculed for having an eating disorder.

Another issue is night staff, specifically the part time workers. The amount of neglect and disrespect that is allowed to occur under their supervision is absolutely insane.


If you read this, thank you for reading my story.

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