Ruxandra's Story

"More Broken Than Ever Before"

One year ago I was hospitalized because I tried to take my own life. In the hospital no one checked if I had a knife or something to hurt myself or others, and so I was able to self harm and nobody noticed. I was put in a seclusion room (alone with no activities), just me and my thoughts and that just harmed me more. I didn't go out of that room for a long time and after a while it felt like the walls were moving towards me. 

I was trying to tell my psychiatrist about my symptoms but she didn't listen. The other staff there were telling me that people with depression who couldn’t shower are ‘skunks’ and how other patients there are ‘crazy’ and don't want to eat and drink. I was so mad – they had no empathy, and of course they invalidated people. This encouraged us to get worse because that became the only way we could be seen. When I got home I was more hopeless and broken than I was before. 

Much love to my fellow survivors.